Starting Over…

LOVE… what is it?  What defines it?  How does it feel?  That’s what I would like to know… The dictionary defines it as

Definition of LOVE

(1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt bylovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>b : an assurance of affection <give her my love>
: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration<baseball was his first love>(1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind(2) : brotherly concern for othersb : a person’s adoration of God
: a god or personification of love
: an amorous episode : love affair
: the sexual embrace : copulation
I thought I had all of this, but was proved terribly wrong.  As I look back over the 6 years,  I really don’t remember what or if i ever had any of the above.  I questioned, whether love was something that was taken away when a friendship was placed on hold, I lost alot of my friends.. I never under stood why.  I do now.. I realized that it was taken away from in every shape and form of my life.  I was to be in one place, with one person all the time.  That come to find out , truly is not love.   I was mistaken.  I have learned alot over the last few years.  I ended up getting hurt at work, the place that I truly did love working at.  It was fun, the guys there treated me like I was one of them… Hey, This tomboy, sailor mouth really fit in and i loved it, I did new and exciting things everyday until i got hurt.  Then it all went down hill.
I guess when you LOVE someone you sit around and watch them suffer, you let them go to dr appointments on their own, and don’t really ever get into the groove of being with that person going thru the hell.   In my own eyes,  had my LOVED one been the one hurt, I would have been there watching it all, going thru it all…. not just sitting back waiting on a phone call,  or waiting to talk to I got home… thats NOT LOVE…
Now, don’t go getting me wrong, I LOVED my marriage, i LOVED the person that I was with, I loved the things we did together, but that didn’t matter.   when I got hurt, that LOVE diminished to be a one-sided love.. No i WONT act like i am 15 in public and hang all over someone, show affection in the right place and time of course.. That is or has never been a problem with me, I Do LOVE Affection…:)
So, anyway, it ended.. not on such a happy note, the one I chose to LOVE for the rest of my life took off.  I guess that VOWS dont mean much to anyone anymore.. Which is ok,  I still have 2 people that i LOVE with my entire heart, and would no matter if they are 49 and 33.. or 9 and just starting to LOVE life… its what its all about.  So what do you do when someone you thought loved you walks out?  You get the hell over it.. obviously there was no LOVE there to begin with…
So, I have my boys, and my step-daughter that i still and will always show my honest LOVE to.. It’s important to me, to let them know, to show them, and to accept that no matter what, if there is a change in them I will stand beside them and love them no matter what the reason…Anyway I just thought that I would share a bit of my past with you all, and that all of  you I love, I LOVE you for one reason or another and that’s just the way I am.  So thank you to all of you that have been here thru all of this with me,  and to those who just came into my life the past few months,  There is a reason, You are still in it.. When I LOVE I LOVE with my entire heart and soul!!!!

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