Getting Phunked when Phunked was plainly not WHAT I was wanting….:))

As always just another day in the lovely hickabilly household.  Where pain is our Main Game!!!    RSD 10 and Amy straight ass O.

Well, this time the pain just kept up and kept up, to a degree of such, that even taking my strongest pain-killer (to which i will NOT disclose to you..:))  I begged, I prayed, I begged and pleaded for it to just go the hell away…  I listened to music which has ALWAYS been my way out.. and out I mean, my way out of everything… I turn it up, good and loud… well just loud enough for me to be able to handle it..

As the day got longer the night was longer too, no touching me with anything, pjs, blankets, sheets nothing… I suffered through until the next morning when I talked to Mom and could no longer take it any more.   After Michael helping me down the steps which i was even AFRAID to attempt he got me to Mom’s car and off we went to the ER..  Where I met the FIRST. you hear me, the VERY FIRST  DR There that even KNEW what RSD WAS… or what it stood for… He asked me a few questions, and ordered up a shot and a pill that was the most disgusting tasting thing i have EVER had… ok, it wasn’t as bad as a cat scan cocktail but it sure the hell ran a close 2nd.   EWWWWW!    Just a FYI, quick acting Zofran is freaking NASTY.  Yeah, Big time!!  So I took that and let the ewww melt on my tongue and my hand was completely closed by this time.. the pain was too much for me to handle.  It was almost like the time the nurse putting the damn iv in my really bad arm, yeah.. That kinda pain the kind that you just can’t kick…

I got the shot, the Dr came in talked to me and told me in very strict way.. IF I would take my pain meds as prescribed on the bottle I wouldn’t be in this shape.. Yeah ok… It says, every 4-6 hours AS NEEDED… Dude look, I may be a sissy about a LOT of shit, but pain for some reason has become tolerable to a certain extent and I will take 1 a day if that is all I TRULY NEED… So back off jack, I know what my body handles…

Well… This time, I thought well since this ER dr was the 1st one to ever recognize RSD and KNOW About it maybe i ought to follow his instruction.  I did just that, too bad it put me into an almost 3 day medicine induced coma.   I couldn’t even touch my own face and feel it.  I had NO idea what was going on around me.. and that was WHEN I said BULLSHIT on this DR TOO…  I scared the hell out of my family, myself and little did I know that I should have ONLY listened to myself in this situation… God, Why?   So I take myself off of the pills completely here it is 3 days later, I am back to being me.. silly, talky, crazy, fun most of the time ME…  I had to write this, to get it out for 1… for 2.. I never want anyone to EVER experience the HELL I went through on those days.  and 3.. When you know your body well.. PLEASE listen to it!!!!

I have learned a very scary yet just another HELPFUL instrument in my Journey of RSD.   I hope that along the way through your journeys you can also help someone who may need it, but also be in tune to your own inner self and know when to say when… It’s no freaking wonder people get addicted to this shit man,  You have NO FEELING, truly i mean for real…NO FEELING PERIOD!!!!!

 

In closing I say with most light in my heart I possibly can… It’s bad enough we have to battle this monster.. but place yourself somewhere else for a minute and think… We need to walk this walk with the most positive attitudes we can obtain from this EFFIN DISEASE… and yes mom I didn’t say the full F BOMB…hehe     Have a little more love, and share a little more love… That my friends is what friends are for….<3 ❤ ❤

Really? Is this what I bargained for?

Not sure if I have ever explained to anyone how much i HATE RSD.  If not, I am sure you will hear it from time to time.

This disease has taken over so much of my life.  Every aspect has changed drastically.  The things I used to LOVE doing that I can not do any longer.  Fishing, Hiking with my kids, getting down on the floor to play with babies, It has even taken away my patience.  I went from having all the patience to having NONE.  I just don’t understand this.  A generally healthy gal, with a few problems here and there (cold, allergies)  about sums it up.  To basically a gal that can barely walk.. and on good days.. I can walk without the help of my cane.   Those days right now seem so bleak.  I let my kids, my family my friends down.   Somedays I feel as i am good for nothing.. which is very true.  It’s been a hard road, and one that I just can’t seem to get a grip on.   It may sound as if i am whining or crying the blues, so not true.  I can still smile, laugh, carry on a good conversation, but then my memory is weak, and thinking sometimes is a problem too, but hey, don’t we all have days of CRS?  (cant remember shit)

As i try to sit, very uncomfortably in my chair, or bed writing this I have the pain, burning shooting from my back thru my legs, my entire back feels as if I could cook anything on it.. I just want a break from it all.  I know that my mama understands me so well.  I just feel as if I let her down as well.  It drives me crazy!!   My Boys, I don’t know if they truly understand it all.. I know they just hate watching me suffer and have to do all of these little things for me that i am no longer capable of.  They are my life, and without them and my family.. I dont know where I would be.   I am so very lucky!

If luck was on my side, which i surely wish it was.  I wouldn’t be in this horrible amount of pain right now.  They say that god never gives us more then what we can handle.. Then WHY?  Why do so many of my friends and I suffer from this damn disease?  Why does it hurt so bad?  Why the burning and stinging and feeling of someone sticking knife blades thru my body.  WHY?   I am blessed that it is nothing more then Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, but if our pain is the highest UNEXPLAINED pain on the McGill’s pain chart,  WHY can’t they find a cure?  Why can’t they do more then they are able to right now?

I just want a break.  I want to feel “Normal” again.  I want to be ME again.  I want my baby boys, to NOT have to see their mama like this.

I want this and need this to be the best year possible!  I want to be able to get my SCS and hopefully put some of this pain and agony behind me.  I am quite embarrassed by the way I am alot of times and that sure doesn’t help matters any.