So yeah, I don’t know when and or if I will ever catch a break from any of this bullshit going thru my life right now.
RSD totally effing BLOWS.. I HATE IT, and it loves me, pretty sad when the only freaking love i feel from it is that it wraps its loving arms around me and beats the hell out of me everyday. I try to push on, and the more I push the worse it becomes. Why does life have to hurt? Why do people have to suffer from such horrific diseases? Why can’t anything just be normal again?
Ever feel in a day these damn bee-stinging sensations, shards of glass going thru your body, fire, and i mean one that can’t be put out? Or, how about everytime you take a step, you feel as if that’s gonna be the one that takes you to the ground? Oh Hey, I totally forgot to mention these kick ass color changes that completely go on and on, or the absolutely gorgeous mottling that is present in pink, red, purple, ya know almost the colors of the rainbow.. just not quite. Oh dear god, let’s now forget how loud talking voices or dogs barking present a problem that almost feels as if someone that you really kinda like goes thru you like a knife blade stab, after stab. And, then I wonder.. Why no-one can really relate to me. I get it, its hard to imagine all of that happening at once, but truthfully its the hard cold facts. Oh damn, how could I have forgotten about the cold, the humidity, boy oh boy when those types of things happen, My body wants to contort, or my hands may curve into a claw. I often wonder what i ever did to cause something to this extent… Oh that’s right. I didn’t. It was a work injury to my shoulder that left me with this monster. When life sends me lemons, I break. I really feel as if this medicine don’t help, but then again I dont think that anything really is. I can’t afford to have a Spinal Cord Stimulator to even try to help with the pain, I can’t. I know those can be a huge asset to you or they can be a hindrence, therefor it makes me want to try it even more, because If i can get out there and get moving thats what i want i dont want to be stuck up in this hole of a house, with noone around that don’t just want to argue.
Medications, now that’s a whole entirely different issue. I can’t get some of them covered that I really REALLY need.. This disease has taken alot of drastic matters for me.. Who wouldn’t for real???? I don’t know anymore, its just all such a blur, such a cluster fuck of emotions.
So getting back to some of the other things that bother me to no end, would be the damn sounds of barking with a high pitch bark… ugh, just don’t work for me, thank the good lord that this dog, here of my son’s is getting fixed soon, maybe that will drop everything, his bark, his jumpiness, his whole disdameanor. He’s one thing that has brought me joy, and he surely knows when i am down and out…
Well, just a little more from a suffering RSD’er and I hope that each and everyone one of you all, can actually sit, lay, stand to keep these demons away and keep up the good fight. I pray for you all, and myself, If you have any advice for me, please share away. Anything i can do to help any of you, would be great progress, because helping you, even if in chatting helps me more then anyone would ever know…
Take care of yourself and your RSD friends, they all need it just as much as we do!!!! HUGS!!!